


kill your heroes

by bonfire



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Break Up, Future Fic, Gen, Get Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pack Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:30:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonfire/pseuds/bonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It figures he’d select a pack that constantly talks about annoying subjects like feelings. If they aren’t fighting they’re cuddling, and Derek isn’t sure which is more irritating.</p><p>Or: the one where they get back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	kill your heroes

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Derek broke Stiles' heart a year ago- for good reason. Now Stiles is home from his first semester of college, and Derek can't seem to avoid him.
> 
> Notes: Flashbacks are in italics. Fic assumes that Stiles and Derek are in an established relationship at the start of Stiles' senior year.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: brief mentions of sexual assault; non-graphic, non-explicit.

“Stop.”

Derek doesn’t even bother rolling his eyes this time. At this point they’re just baiting him. The command is enough to silence the trio of werewolves, if only for a moment. They stop bickering instantly, almost snapping to attention, but their automatic obedience does nothing to subdue the childish mood.

“You’re cranky today,” Erica observes. “What could possibly have caused that?”

Isaac nudges her, looking equally mischievous. “He’s cranky every day. That’s his default setting.” He looks like a giddy child. He practically bounces as the group walks through the woods toward the house.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Derek mutters.

“You have been in a bad mood this past week,” Boyd says. His arm is around Erica’s shoulders, hers around his waist. When they all gang up on him Derek hates Boyd the most, because Boyd is the voice of reason, and Boyd is always right. “We almost got in a fight with the Argents because of you.” Sometimes Boyd sounds like a disappointed parent. Sometimes Derek hates Boyd.

“That—“ Derek mumbles something about trespassing and border agreements.

“If this Scrooge act ruins my Christmas party we will have serious problems,” Erica says, and means it.

Derek doesn’t reply, doesn’t even growl. Instead he continues on toward the house, reprimanding himself on his choice of betas. It figures he’d select a pack that constantly talks about annoying subjects like feelings. If they aren’t fighting they’re cuddling, and Derek isn’t sure which is more irritating.

It’s a few hours later when Scott finally texts him. Scott was supposed to stop by after— had been told to come by at some point. But he’d forgotten, probably. Distracted, and this time not by Allison.

That night Derek dreams of laughter and smiling faces and the smell of cheap body spray and cookies, and he dreams of a blue-eyed danger and of blood.

Scott finally does stop by, first thing the next morning. Jackson comes with him. Derek half expects Allison and Lydia in tow, the usual crowd, but this morning is werewolves only it seems, and he doesn’t care anyway.

The girls are coming later, Scott says. Scott can’t stop grinning, though he tries when he knows Derek’s looking. Scott even smells happier. When they think Derek’s out of earshot, out of werewolf earshot, they crowd around and interrogate: How is he? How’s college treating him? Did he look tired? How does he like it there? And the worst: Has he met anyone?

No one says his name. Maybe they know Derek can hear. Probably they know Derek can hear. Derek hates them sometimes.

The girls stop by as promised, and Derek keeps his distance. “He’s being broody again,” as Jackson puts it, and whatever, broody looks good on him.

 

*

 

The only thing worse than running into Stiles is running into the sheriff. Sheriff Stilinski is possibly—probably—the only man who can successfully stare down Derek Hale, and today is no exception. Derek thinks about running away before he remembers the gun strapped to the sheriff’s hip.

“Hello,” Derek says with as much politeness and as little awkwardness as he can manage. The sheriff crosses his arms. “Right,” Derek says. Sighs. “Look I’m not—I’m just in town for groceries, I’m not—looking for trouble.”

“Better not be,” the sheriff says, and if any human could truly growl it’d be him. “You’d better stay away from—trouble. Got it? I can’t legally shoot you, but I do have a taser. And I’d be more than happy to show it to you.”

“Won’t be necessary.”

Derek scowls throughout his grocery shopping, glaring at the cereal box he selects, grabbing at some apples with perhaps too much force. People stay out of his way regardless, but today the entire grocery store might as well be empty. When he gets to the front there’s only one cashier, a burly man who looks cross enough to not talk to him, and Derek shoves him some cash with silent, cranky gratitude.

Erica looks like she knows, smirking from the front porch when Derek pulls up. She doesn’t say a word, and neither does Derek as he angrily gestures for her and Boyd to help with the groceries. Inside, Isaac is sprawled across a couch, reading, though he looks up when Derek marches by.

“Jackson’s coming over,” Isaac announces.

“What for?” Derek mutters.

“Dunno.” Isaac’s already returned to his book. “He’s bringing Lydia.”

That says enough. “I’m going for a run.” And Derek is out of the house before anyone can respond.

 

*

 

They make Lydia tell him, because Lydia gets away with most things, and Derek has a soft spot for Lydia that no one can really explain.

“We’re having a pack dinner. Everyone’s invited. Yes, everyone. I’ll take care of everything, all you have to do is show up. Be here, Saturday night. Or else.” Lydia pokes him square in the chest and it hurts, a gut-wrenching type of internal ache, because the action is so familiar, so— so Stiles.

Derek says nothing, still pushing the ache away, and Lydia takes his glowering silence for acquiescence. She smiles, satisfied, and returns to the couch to cuddle up to Jackson. Jackson continues to watch Derek for a reaction even as he throws an arm around Lydia. Isaac remains standing in the doorway, watching all three eagerly, as if hoping for some sort of explosion, or at least a fight.

Derek disappoints, again.

*

 

Derek smells him before he sees him.

After all this time, he’s still so attuned to that scent, he can still pick it out of a crowd.  
He spots him across the street, inside a coffee shop. He can just barely see him through the shop’s windows, sitting on a couch tucked in the corner, talking animatedly with a steaming mug in his hand. Stiles certainly hasn’t changed, gesticulating excitedly, disregarding the hot drink as it undoubtedly slops over the edge of the mug.

It’s who he’s with that gives Derek pause. Because he looks so happy, so damn happy, that Derek would expect him to be with Scott, or maybe even Lydia. But it’s neither, and it takes a few moments before he recognizes Danny, and suddenly he’s noticing how closely they’re sitting, how Stiles laughs at something Danny’s said, how Danny’s touching his leg—

Derek doesn’t do jealousy. He walks away.

*

 

_This winter is colder than any other, and it lasts far too long._

_On February 15th Scott punches Derek and Derek lets him._

_It takes Scott two weeks to go near Derek again, and months before he goes back to treating Derek like normal. No one else mentions it, but Derek knows they talk amongst themselves, and he doesn’t blame them. They are overprotective on a good day, and it’s only his Alpha status and their bond that keeps them from channeling that protective drive against him._

_Lydia yells at him, more than once. She is human, she doesn’t come with the instinct to obey. Lydia is fierce. Lydia is frightening._

_One day Derek runs into Jackson and Danny in town, and it’s clear who they’re talking about when Danny looks at him with hard eyes and Jackson is quick to start a new conversation._

_The house is quiet throughout the winter. Come spring, it gets better; Scott begins to act normally, and despite the obvious absence, things become easier. There is laughter again._

 

*

 

Nearly a full year later, this winter is easier to deal with. But it is not much better.

The fear is less crushing, the death threats contained. But the loneliness is overwhelming, and the self-hatred is relentless.

Derek doesn’t much like winter. He longs for sunshine.

 

*

 

_It’s September, and college started a week ago, and Stiles is long gone. Palo Alto is too far for a werewolf ‘drive by,’ a check-in, and anyway, Stiles would be pissed if Derek tried and so would Scott and so would the rest of the pack, for that matter.  
Derek knows he screwed up when even Jackson had been mad at him._

_Lydia goes to a school close enough to come home for weekends, and Jackson goes with her and Danny with him. The trio stays in town, community college because Derek had insisted, and Scott goes with them because his mom had insisted, and Allison eventually follows Lydia._

_So the pack is never too far apart, but the pack never really feels complete either._

 

*

 

_Senior year of high school begins tomorrow, and Stiles is buried beneath Derek’s blankets with no intention of surfacing. He is asleep, sprawled, half-smiling contentedly. The morning sun is slowly creeping toward the bed through the window, and Stiles is warm and he is safe._

_He dreams of his mother, but when he wakes he doesn’t remember._

_Derek is in the woods, running with the pack, or frolicking as Stiles calls it, and there’d been whining at first, because: “Stiles gets to sleep!” and: “c’mon, we start school tomorrow, give us a break.” But once they begin to run, no one complains, because in truth they love it, love the chance to run at their full potential and to exert their full force._

_They return to the house hours later, and Stiles is shirtless in the kitchen, because he knows they get hungry, they are always hungry. Stiles is the best cook, and he always manages to make enough for leftovers, because he worries about them when he isn’t able to come over and feed them himself._

_Derek is the protector, but Stiles is the caretaker._

_The wolves all settle in around the kitchen to eat, and Stiles perches himself on the countertop, pulls out a book and begins to read. He’s smiling absently as he tunes out the chatter, tapping a finger against the spine of his book. Later, when he finally looks up from the page, the kitchen is quieter and emptier. Scott and Isaac remain talking at the table, and Derek is doing dishes at the sink._

_“Oh,” Stiles says in realization. “Let me help.” He moves to slide off the countertop but Derek shakes his head and says no. Stiles stays put, but sets his book aside in favor of watching Derek, half-listening to Scott and Isaac’s conversation. When Derek catches Stiles’ gaze, he leaves the few dishes he has left and moves to catch Stiles in a kiss._

 

*

 

_The day before Stiles leaves for college he stops by the Hale house to say goodbye. He and Scott are going out later for a proper goodbye, for one last night together, but this afternoon is for the rest of the pack. Allison looks teary and so does Isaac, and Erica doesn’t let go of Stiles for a bit too long, and Jackson can’t find much to snark at. Adulthood is right around the corner and the first step is this separation, and in the end no one is ready._

_Stiles has been aching to leave Beacon Hills for years but finds it is harder than he’d thought. He makes Scott promise to look after his dad, makes Isaac promise to look after Scott. There is another unspoken promise that does not go unnoticed, but then Stiles turns to give Danny a hug and the tension passes._

_Derek tells him good luck and Stiles says stay safe and then he leaves._

 

*

 

Derek is pumping gas when the Jeep pulls up to the station. Stiles doesn’t see him at first. He pays and inserts the nozzle and turns and freezes. His eyes widen in surprise and he forgets to move. Eventually Derek nods in greeting; Stiles lets out the breath he’d been holding. He bites his lip, considering, before walking over to Derek.

“Hey,” he says. Derek says nothing. “How… have you been?”

Derek sighs. “I’m fine, Stiles.” It comes out more gruffly than intended, and Derek looks away before he has to see Stiles react.

“Um. Good.” Stiles looks back toward his Jeep, discomfort rolling off of him in waves. “Look, Lydia invited me to come over on Saturday and— well you know Lydia, she’s, uh, insistent. Persuasive.” Stiles waits expectantly but Derek doesn’t move. “Ugh, okay, fine, I’m just trying to say that— you know, that if you don’t want me there I won’t come. Okay? It’s fine.” Again, Derek doesn’t respond. Stiles throws his hands up in frustration. “You’ve really gotten better at the whole communication thing, haven’t you? I won’t come, okay, I’ll tell her I can’t come.” Stiles sighs. “See you around, Derek. Or not, I guess.”

Stiles turns and stomps back toward his Jeep, and finally Derek speaks. “Stiles. You should come.” Stiles turns around. “Of course you should come.”

Derek doesn’t know what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t for Stiles to deflate, a sad look crossing his features.

“Sure,” Stiles says.

When Derek drives away from the station he looks back in spite of himself. Stiles’ face is turned away; he doesn’t look up.

 

*

 

_In late November of their senior year, everything seems to be going really well. Stiles and Lydia have both finished all their college applications, early admission because why not, and there have been no incidents or dangers, and the wolves have gained so much more control._

_And Stiles is no longer a virgin and he’d say his life is pretty good._

_Suddenly it isn’t._

_On a cold night nearing December Stiles does not come home._

_The sheriff calls Scott eventually, because Stiles being late is common and Stiles not answering his phone is not unheard of. But Scott doesn’t know where Stiles is, and then neither does Derek, or Danny, or Lydia, and then the sheriff begins to worry.  
The wolves instantly go out to search, and the sheriff does too because screw waiting 48 hours, it’s his son._

_Jackson finds Stiles the next day. His Jeep is on the side of a road not far from the Stilinski home, and Stiles is underneath it. One of his legs is pinned by a tire, his foot twisted the wrong way. Jackson lifts the Jeep easily, pulls him out, and carries him to the hospital without a second thought._

_The doctors spend some time debating whether the attacker was animal or human. The cuts on Stiles’ chest came from what could either be claws or a jagged knife, but being found underneath the Jeep leads the doctors to conclude a human attacker._

_There is bruising on his face, on his wrists, and around his mouth._

_Scott is torn between remaining bedside and going out to hunt whoever was responsible. But Derek finds them first: a rogue family of wolves, ‘passing through’ as they claim. They tell Derek they had only stopped after observing his pack.  
“Humans shouldn’t run with wolves,” one of them tells Derek._

_“Didn’t plan on stayin’,” another says. “Always respected the Hale territory. But the Hales are gone now, aren’t they? Just two left. Turnin’ humans is one thing, Hale. Keeping humans as pets? Mating? Making them pack?” The man spits. “It ain’t right.”_

_“Stick to your kind,” the first adds. “Turn him if you want him that bad, but stick to your kind. We’ll come back if we have to. Stay away from the human and we’ll leave him alone.”_

_Derek growls and a third is instantly at his throat, fangs bared. “This was just a warning,” the third man says, eyes flashing. “Don’t think you wanna see what we’ll do to put an end to this. Running with werewolves can be…_ dangerous. _Understand?”_

_Derek doesn’t visit Stiles at the hospital, but as soon as he’s released Derek goes to him. They spend the night lying together, not talking; Derek holds Stiles to his chest and presses his face against Stiles’ hair and just breathes, memorizes. Stiles sleeps._

 

*

 

Dinner is not awkward. Stiles and Derek are sitting apart; Scott and Danny are on either side of Stiles, and Derek pretends he doesn’t hate Danny. Lydia and Scott manage to keep the conversation safe and Not Weird. They all talk about their respective colleges, their classes, the people they’ve met, and Derek mostly listens.

“How’s your dad, Stiles?” Allison asks.

“He’s good,” Stiles lies. “Same old,” he lies again. “Mostly he’s just happy I’m home,” he says honestly.

Stiles knows he can’t lie in a house of wolves, but no one calls him out, because as protective as Stiles is of the pack, he is infinitely more protective of his father.

Lydia changes the subject. “So are we ever going to meet that Jesse person?”

Stiles looks confused. “Um. I don’t know? I doubt he’ll come visit here. Why?”

“Just want to make sure he’s good for you,” Lydia says easily. “I know I’m not the only one.”

Stiles drops his fork. “Wait— no, you— you don’t think I’m dating Jesse, do you?” He glances around, his gaze landing on Scott. “Do you?”

Danny shrugs. “You talk about him a lot. And it sounds like you really care about him, so…”

Stiles rolls his eyes. “Oh my god, no. We’re not— Jesse’s straight. We’re just friends. I do care about him but he’s like— he’s like a male version of Lydia, you know, he’s smart, but he’s also kind of geeky like me so we, like, hang out a lot and talk about shit and, and he has a girlfriend, I’m pretty sure I mentioned that once?”

“So you’re single,” Isaac states. He looks at Erica, who smirks at Derek. Derek hates her.

“Yes, Isaac, I’m single.” Stiles goes back to his food. “God, you’re all freaks.”

 

*

 

Derek is sitting on the porch. The rest of the pack is inside; he hears them laughing along to a movie, occasionally talking over it, and they all sound so happy. So Derek is brooding.

The movie is an hour in when Stiles comes outside. He sits beside Derek quietly and takes Derek’s hand in his and Derek lets him. They sit in silence for some time, and it feels like it did back then, when everything was easy and everyone was together and the Hale property felt like home.

“I’ve missed you,” Stiles says eventually. He doesn’t expect a reply, nor does he get one. Stiles is used to doing all the talking.

“You really hurt me, Derek. That was the point, I know. But you— you let me believe that shit, you let me believe that you didn’t love me, you let me believe that you were just using me, you let me go on thinking that I was just some worthless shit and—“ Stiles lets go of Derek’s hand. “I haven’t felt like that since I found my mom lying there dead, okay? I haven’t felt that empty and, and _shitty_ in years, and you brought all that back. I had my first panic attack in years, okay? You did that to me.”

Derek doesn’t look at him. “Scott punched me the next day,” he admits. “After your panic attack.”

“You deserved it, asshole,” Stiles says, but there is no venom in his voice. “I still love you, got that? I didn’t stop loving you and I know that made it shittier for me but—“ He sighs. They fall silent for a while. Derek listens to the pack watching the movie inside. There’s less laughter now; he suspects they’re eavesdropping like the good friends they are.

“Boyd told me you went after them last month. That pack who— hurt me.” Stiles trips over his words. In the aftermath of Stiles’ attack no one had mentioned sexual assault for fear of triggering him, and even now Stiles has difficulty acknowledging it. Derek thinks he talked about it, in the end, with Scott and Isaac, and with his father, and probably even Lydia. But Stiles had never mentioned it around Derek.

“He didn’t tell me exactly what you did to them,” Stiles continues, “just that you, I don’t know, you fixed it. He said you fixed it. He said they wouldn’t come back, and he sounded sure, so…” Stiles turns to look at Derek, takes Derek’s hand again.  
“I still think you’re an asshole. And I’m still mad at you, okay, I’m still—I’m still working on some things. But I know you were just trying to protect me. And I do love you.”

Derek wants to say it back, needs to say it back, but he doesn’t, and Stiles goes inside.

 

*

 

Stiles can still read him too well. Derek was never good at feeling vulnerable.

 

*

 

_It is January of senior year, and Stiles has Derek cornered in his own kitchen. “You’ve been avoiding me,” Stiles says. “I’m sick of this, Derek. Whatever it is, we’re dealing with it. Right now.”_

_Derek gives him a cold look. “Not avoiding you, Stiles. Just done.”_

_“Done?” Stiles’ mouth drops open. “Done, what d’you mean, done?”_

_Derek shrugs. “You know. Done. Finished.” He tilts his head. “I thought you were smart? What part of ‘done’ don’t you understand?”_

_“Done. Done with what? With us? With— me?” When Derek nods, Stiles feels it like a punch to the gut. “You’re— you’re done with me. You’re breaking up with me.”_

_“Breaking up signifies a relationship. I’m just done, Stiles. That’s it.”_

_“Explain,” Stiles says through clenched teeth. “Because here I was, thinking we_ were _in a relationship.”_

_“Whatever you thought we were you made up on your own.” Derek’s voice is firm. “We were never anything, Stiles. We were just fucking. That’s all. Just fucking.”_

_Stiles takes an actual step back. “I was your fuck buddy,” he whispers. “That’s— that’s bullshit, you know that’s bullshit. God, is this about what happened to me in November? Is this some dumbass attempt at being noble, at protecting me? Because you can drop that shit right now, Hale. Just fucking stop, okay, we’ve been over this, I don’t need you to do that for me.”_

_“You’re right,” Derek says. “This is about November. This is about what happened to you.” Derek takes a step forward. “You think I want you after that? You think I want another man’s trash?” Another step forward. “You were a virgin, Stiles. I made you mine, and you were fun to play with, but I’m done now. It’s not fun for me anymore, and I’m bored, and I_ don’t. Want. You.” _Derek takes a third step forward, and this time Stiles stumbles backwards._

_“You don’t mean that,” he whispers, voice breaking. “Derek, you don’t—“_

_Derek’s eyes go red. “I do. I’m done here, Stiles.”_

_Stiles moves as though on autopilot. Later he finds himself in his room, shaking and wide-eyed in his father’s arms._

_Derek throws up when Stiles leaves. Derek’s always been good at hating himself, but this time it’s too much._

 

*

 

_After January the rogue wolf family is satisfied that Derek’s held up his bargain. They don’t return to Beacon Hills. Derek doesn’t leave his house all winter._

 

*

 

The pack stays long after the movie ends, but eventually Stiles tells them he has to return to his father, and he is allowed to leave only after promising to return tomorrow.

“I’ll make you losers lunch, how’s that?” Stiles laughs as he steps outside. Derek is still on the porch, waiting, and so none of the pack follows. Derek stands when Stiles closes the door behind him.

“I’m sorry,” Derek says. Stiles blinks in surprise. “I’m an asshole, you’re right. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I never— I hurt you worse than I intended, and I should have apologized sooner.” Stiles looks away. “I don’t know how to fix this one,” Derek admits. “I’m not good at this, you know that. But you— you’re important to me. You’re everything.”

Stiles laughs. “Fuck.” He turns his gaze back to Derek. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

 

*

 

Derek can hear the pack whispering excitedly inside the house, but he ignores them in favor of pushing Stiles against the front door as they continue kissing.

*


End file.
